Not Just Reindeer Games
December 20, 2007
Few things can get under my skin; in all actuality, the only things that can get under my skin are stupidty, lying, and abuse. Anything else is just plain funny to me. Life is too short otherwise, and petty ideals are just not worth the time. I have come to notice in working with a few older women that they can often become hung up on something that no one else really cares about. They like to think someone or everyone cares about it, but in reality, the only person caring is them. They make themselves look like a fool thinking they are sticking it to someone or proving someone wrong, etc. The games women play seem to become more diverse as they grow older. Maybe they have nothing better to do or are just too old to recall how stupid they look to the younger generations who are generally more in tune with the ways of the world. Even men are like this though. They think they can act, say, or do something and that the world revolves around them; as such, whatever they say, act, or do affects the world. In all actuality, all they are doing is giving me some laughs and something to write about in my blog.
It is the holiday season and the reindeers are not the only ones playing games. Only difference is, the reindeers actually have fun.
Dear Friend
December 18, 2007
I am an Aquarius (on the cusp of Pisces even). One quality associated with Aquarians is that they are hypersensitive. This is one thing I tell anyone that I am in a relationship with of any kind. I will always take something wrong, I will always be hurt easily, and I will always take things personally. I know this is how and who I am, but I cannot change it. Believe I have tried, but I always fail. I have never had a problem making friends due to my extroverted nature– the fact that I do not embarrass easily also helped. There are some that I have met that I would do anything for. They are simply amazing people. You forget that there is a real capacity for a great world until you meet these special people. They are the ones with the contagious smile, the optimistic personality, and/or the new outlook that you are looking for. They are the ones that get you thinking outside of the box and motivating you to fulfill your goals. I have been blessed to meet many of them. Now, if I ever hurt them– intentional or not– I would be highly upset. I mean, if someone else hurts them, I can hurt that said someone, but what do I do when it is me that hurts them? I could not deal with myself! I do not set out to hurt my dear friends. I would do anything to see them smile. But I know who I am is often misinterpreted. It really is. A lot because of how the world has molded our minds, but a lot because I cannot articulate what I am thinking/wanting/doing very well. Hard as I try, it comes out as either bs, muttled, or so jumbled that one would just have to shake their head rather than try to figure out what I am trying to say.
I have a friend that I have not done well in keeping in touch with. She is one of the most sweetest people you could ever hope to meet with that contagious smile that shows off her pearly whites. She had emailed me a couple of weeks ago and I just got around to my emails yesterday. She had sent me some christmas pictures of her. The first one I opened up had that wonderful smile and it instantly made me smile but at the same time I got this dejected look on my face and became saddened. I miss her very much because she was the one person who respected me as a person and my thoughts. She was the one person who recognized that just because I was young did not mean that my outlook or opinion on life was any less valuable or substantial.
I moved suddenly so as not to be a burden to my friends any longer because it was really eating me up inside. But because I generally have a one-track mind, I am not at all the best person at keeping in touch with people. I do well to email my sister from time to time. :/
I emailed her back and immediately told her how much she meant to me. I didn’t even ‘think’ about it; I just did it. Why not? It’s true. And I began to think about how peoople deal with relationships. How they treat their friends. Do they tell them how valuable they are to them? Do they let them know what they mean to them? It is always said that you should treat each day as your last, right? So you should tell those you love that you love them…
That being said, I would like to challenge anyone to tell their friends how amazing they are. Tell the ones you hold dear that they are loved. And tell them why. It is so easy to call someone amazing, but it’s even more real when you tell them what it is exactly that makes them so special.
Tags: Aquarius, hypersensitive, friends, misinterpreted, special
Bring Him Home Santa
December 15, 2007
Bring Him Home Santa is a song by The Song Trust about a little girl asking Santa to bring her Navy dad home from the war. The song can be downloaded for 99c from http://www.bringhimhomesanta.com. It is well worth the buck. It also helps out St. Jude’s which I have donated to myself. I loved the song so much that I decided to make a youtube video. I have never made a video before so it is not as good as some others, but for my first try, I like it.
And since I still cannot figure out how to post them on my blog, you will have to look at it via the link:
http://www.youtube.com/v/idQIXXOn79w
Tags: Bring Him Home Santa, The Song Trust, St. Jude’s
First, Second, Third…
December 14, 2007
It is rare to find someone that has had only one relationship their entire life; even more rare to find that it is still going strong. Hook-ups and breakups are all part of life. I myself have had several. A select few I would have stayed with until the end of time, but I did not make them happy. Understandable. We learn more about the people we date as our relationships progress. To say we never had feelings for those we cared about would be innacurate. I myself still very much love my exes, but I know that we can never be again. Not just because I have found someone that blows them all out of the water, but moreso because of what was. One ex was not ‘into’ the affection that I abudantly share and another put their hands on me which is something I can never condone.
But I love them. Would do almost anything for them and would certainly have their back if they needed it. I am bigger than my exes make me out to be and in all actuality, only one has anything negative to say about me. Ironically enough, it is the same one who laid hands on me. But if she needed anything and I could provide it, I’d be there. Such is my nature.
I’ve seen a few people go through some break-ups lately and it has been peculiar to see. Some are amicable while others are down right wrong. I could not understand how people who were supposedly in love before were acting the way they are now. Saying the hurtful things, trashing their name, trashing their stuff, trashing their memories…why? And what is this deal with ’sloppie seconds’? I do not think I have heard that term used in relation to an ex until now. How does that make any sense though? Anyone who has had a first and broken up will have a second if they choose…so aren’t we all someone else’s sloppie seconds? So how can you consider this a cutdown on your ex…when you yourself are someone else’s sloppie second (you are your ex’s sloppie second…both the previous and current ex)? I guess I miss the cutdown really.
No one can say shit about my exes unless it is truth. I cannot argue with the truth, but I can ask that we change the subject. I shake my head. What more can I do. Breakups are hard on everyone, but if this is someone whom you claimed to care about, wouldn’t you be showing them more respect than to cut them down?
Tags: relationship, Hook-up, breakup, ex
Life’s Labels
December 11, 2007
Growing up, we went to church often as kids. We started off going to the Catholic churches because my father was Catholic. Then, when we moved during my 6th grade year, we started attending the Baptist church nearby as my mother was Baptist. Soon thereafter we stopped going to church altogether, but I continued to attend because I liked it.
One thing I noticed growing up, however, was that one Catholic was not like the next Catholic just as one Baptist was not like the next Baptist. Yet, each of these denominations had their own stigma. Even someone who called themself a ‘Christian’ was held different among the other ‘Christians.’
Recently I went to Alabama to spend Thanksgiving with my girlfriend’s family. Her cousin asked me if I was a ‘femme,’ and I replied no. She then asked me if I was a ‘butch’ to which I replied no. Puzzled at this point I am sure, she asked then what are you? I said quite simply a woman. She said I know that, what I meant was… to which I said let’s just leave it at that.
Yesterday as I was writing a note to a friend of mine, I was writing as I usually do: a stream of consciousness. I got to thinking about life’s labels and why they must be. Why do I have to be gay, straight, bi, or other? Why do I have to be butch or femme? Why do I have to be Baptist, Catholic, Protestant, or other? These labels are so restrictive that not even those that claim them truly own them.
I buy men’s pants because I love cargo pants; they are comfortable and most stores make them in mens only. When cargo first came out, they did make them in womens and I bought them in womens. I love to dress comfortable most days and cargo pants are comfortable. But I love to dress up. Even in dresses. Simple dresses. I love to look and feel like 100% woman. I love being a woman and being looked at like a woman. So what ‘role’ do I play in the lesbian community? I cannot be butch as I so do not want to be like a man, and I cannot be femme as I am not the girly girl that a femme emulates.
But what about a lesbian itself? I do not identify with labels at all. I would be considered gay by life because I am in love with the most amazing woman God ever thought to create and want to be with her forever, but did I ever think that I could never be in love with a man? Never. Why? Because I have always been one to fall in love with the heart. Intelligence is a turn on, compassion makes me smile, and a heart of gold is worth more to me than all the riches in the world. Who owns that heart has never been a concern to me. I embrace my role as a lesbian in the gay community, but I do not own it. Why should I? Who I am is no more or less because of my label. I find it intriguing how one can turn on another simply by finding out their labels.
Life is so restricting. Why do we have to restrict it further? I mean, I already have to wear clothes, work for blasted money, eat, sleep, and other necessities that I would rather much do without so why have to live up (or down) to a label? Yes, I understand we have choices. I choose to not to use labels on myself so I really do not have to live up or down to these labels, but they still intrigue me.
