Life’s Labels
December 11, 2007
Growing up, we went to church often as kids. We started off going to the Catholic churches because my father was Catholic. Then, when we moved during my 6th grade year, we started attending the Baptist church nearby as my mother was Baptist. Soon thereafter we stopped going to church altogether, but I continued to attend because I liked it.
One thing I noticed growing up, however, was that one Catholic was not like the next Catholic just as one Baptist was not like the next Baptist. Yet, each of these denominations had their own stigma. Even someone who called themself a ‘Christian‘ was held different among the other ‘Christians.’
Recently I went to Alabama to spend Thanksgiving with my girlfriend’s family. Her cousin asked me if I was a ‘femme,’ and I replied no. She then asked me if I was a ‘butch‘ to which I replied no. Puzzled at this point I am sure, she asked then what are you? I said quite simply a woman. She said I know that, what I meant was… to which I said let’s just leave it at that.
Yesterday as I was writing a note to a friend of mine, I was writing as I usually do: a stream of consciousness. I got to thinking about life’s labels and why they must be. Why do I have to be gay, straight, bi, or other? Why do I have to be butch or femme? Why do I have to be Baptist, Catholic, Protestant, or other? These labels are so restrictive that not even those that claim them truly own them.
I buy men’s pants because I love cargo pants; they are comfortable and most stores make them in mens only. When cargo first came out, they did make them in womens and I bought them in womens. I love to dress comfortable most days and cargo pants are comfortable. But I love to dress up. Even in dresses. Simple dresses. I love to look and feel like 100% woman. I love being a woman and being looked at like a woman. So what ‘role’ do I play in the lesbian community? I cannot be butch as I so do not want to be like a man, and I cannot be femme as I am not the girly girl that a femme emulates.
But what about a lesbian itself? I do not identify with labels at all. I would be considered gay by life because I am in love with the most amazing woman God ever thought to create and want to be with her forever, but did I ever think that I could never be in love with a man? Never. Why? Because I have always been one to fall in love with the heart. Intelligence is a turn on, compassion makes me smile, and a heart of gold is worth more to me than all the riches in the world. Who owns that heart has never been a concern to me. I embrace my role as a lesbian in the gay community, but I do not own it. Why should I? Who I am is no more or less because of my label. I find it intriguing how one can turn on another simply by finding out their labels.
Life is so restricting. Why do we have to restrict it further? I mean, I already have to wear clothes, work for blasted money, eat, sleep, and other necessities that I would rather much do without so why have to live up (or down) to a label? Yes, I understand we have choices. I choose to not to use labels on myself so I really do not have to live up or down to these labels, but they still intrigue me.
Tags: Christian, femme, butch, labels
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