It Takes Two
January 10, 2008
It takes two to build a relationship; if only one person is in it, it will surely crumble. My ex was a liar, a cheater, and a thief. Do I still love her? Of course. Why? Because she was none of those things to me.
Our relationship was built on a lie. All the things she had told me about her life were mere figments of her imagination yet they were things she thought I wanted to hear. She never really knew me.
She would talk to women all the time; on the phone or in IM, she would justify her actions by saying I was not around for her. Yet, when we did go out, it was always like the first date each time. I think she had major hangups on our differences in age but would never admit them to herself. Even though she would comment on them in regards to our disagreements, she would never admit that the reason she would not show affection in public was because of our age differences. She wouldn’t show affection in front of her family for the same reasons I suppose.
She stole my bike, my Wii, my drums; told the police that I had given the Wii to her as a gift (another lie that anyone who knows me could see right through). But these are mere things. I can easily buy them.
I know she tells/told people the worst about me. 75% of it is a lie. I say 75% because I do have faults. Just like any other person, I am not perfect nor do I claim to be. Without knowing anything she says (I honestly do not care as I have moved on and would like to keep my image of her as someone she once was, not the impostor she is now), I do have to give her some benefit of the doubt.
It takes two to build a relationship. My ex would have everyone believe it was only her trying to build ours. She would never reveal my efforts (some of which she shot down without batting an eye). Perhaps one day she will grow up enough to be cordial again. Makes me wonder though: she so easily gave up, so easily turned on me, so easily bashes my name…had/has no problem talking to her ex who really did do something wrong, but cannot talk to me whom she actually wronged….
In our last weeks she told me she had grown to hate me. She told me she was through and that we should be done; she told me to not come around the grandkids so it would be an easy transition. This was about a week and a half before she beat the crap out of me. I cried many of days and night at the hate she had for me and the end. I tried to make amends, but she shot me down cold. At that point, I gave up. Simply. I was beyond drained and that was the breaking point–the fact that she could be so cold. That night when she asked who I was talking to on the phone, I wanted it to be someone else so I could rub it in, but it wasn’t. But she never would tell me who she was talking to, would talk to women in our bedroom with me present (but went postal on me for talking to someone on the phone…disrespectful she called it…too fucking funny), or would just be so courteous as to talk to women out of earshot range. Yet I was the one being disrespectful? And this warranted her and her 200 lb daughter beating the crap out of me? I seem to miss the point there every time I think about it. But I still love her. Why? Because that was not her. With each blow to my back, I could feel this anger she had stored up inside, but not all at me. Her father was terminally ill, life was not as she wanted it, and as she had already said, she was developing a hatred for me; all these things just seemed to release themselves that night. It was not her. She would not lay hands on me like that. I get teary just thinking about it because if I had it to do differently, I would tell her who was on that phone. I do know that we would still be over (recall she had already ended it, but with no place for me to go, I still had to save money to be able to move), but it would have been more amicable than that. And I’d like to think she would at least then consider calling me if she ever needed anything. I know she won’t now, but I worry about her. I know she will be okay, but unlike some, I cannot turn my feelings off like a light switch.
My new girlfriend is amazing. She realizes the give and take of a relationship. We compliment each other so well that it amazes me. I love her more than anything. She understands that I still love my exes because she feels the same. We both know that there is a reason they are our exes: because we loved them, but it just did not work out; nothing more. Just because they have ‘ex’ titled to them does not change our love for them. I would never expect her to stop loving her exes nor do I ask her to; why would I ask something of my lover that I cannot do myself?
It takes two to build a relationship. So far, me and mine are doing pretty damn good.
Tags: It takes two, ex, relationship
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