Numero Uno
June 30, 2008
In my previous post, I spoke of looking out for numero uno; or rather, that in looking out for number one, we should not exclude our friends, family, and partners. Yet I did not touch on the idea of actually taking care of yourself in doing so.
In a relationship, it is often common to see one partner being more dominant than the other. Whether this is a gender-based role that the two have taken on or a role that just developed over time, one is more in control than the other. Often the one shadows the other taking what they want, need, or just plain have to have while putting their partner second each time. They include them when needed no doubt, but usually they are not needed.
Every time I reach my breaking point in life, I tell myself that I am going to start looking out for myself for a change. I tell myself that I am going to put myself first and fuck the world. And every time I turn around and cater to the masses.
It is not that I feel so sub par that I cannot take what is mine; it is more that I am more happy when those I care about are happy than I am when I am getting everything I want. I could go without for days, weeks, months, hell even years if it meant that my lover was happy. I could go without for days and weeks to help out a close friend. I could. Why not? After all, they are just things to me [that which I am giving up I mean]; noTHING can replace the love, companionship, and comradery of a friend or a lover.
Have you ever looked at your lover and just smiled so big and so hard merely because they smiled at you? Perhaps your kid? I watched some episodes of Cold Case last night and it was funny the ones I watched touched on the subjects of mothers giving up their children and just mothers and children in general. One mother had to give up her child because of the times. In trying to convince her that her decision was the right one, the nun asked her to write on a piece of paper all the things an adopted family could offer her baby. She then asked her to write on the other side of the paper all the things that she herself could offer the baby. On the one side she had written things such as a home, a dad, a job, and money. On the side where she had to write what she had to offer, she could only put down one thing: Love. In the other episode, a mother had lost her husband who was actually the backbone of the family. They were left penniless due to his medical bills and so had to make it on the street. When her eldest daughter asked her how they got where they were, she told her; she told her that her husband took care of everything and all she had to do was love the girl and her sister. And she [the eldest daughter] told her simply that that wasn’t enough.
But it was.
Thing is, in the first scenario, even having only love to offer, this love would have been a great motivator for the mother to succeed. See, not only would she have something worth succeeding for, she would enjoy it. In the second scenario, the mother fought hard to keep her kids and worked her ass off to make sure they were provided their basic needs [which despite what a kid may want or think, is all they need]. She worked even harder to make sure they had hopes and dreams. She loved them enough not to give up on them and fend for herself.
Love is enough.
How many movies start with an evil villain who would actually get away with his vile scheme if not for him being so stupid enough as to have brought harm to the hero’s lover/family? I mean really! If the evil dude would have just left the hero’s girl alone, he would have gotten away with taking over the world [so to speak]. But nooooooo, he just had to mess with the love of the hero’s life. And his plot was foiled. What a great motivator love is.
When times have been down, slow, or I have had to make ends meet, I have found that I have been okay because I still have Tiara. I lose myself and the day in her just being with her and enjoying her. She makes me forget our troubles and make it to the next day. You cannot tell me love is not enough because it is all I want. I do not care that I do not have the latest video game console, the newest car, or even the coolest crib around because I have her love. It is an AMAZING feeling that consistently has me in awe. You cannot tell me love is not enough. Because it is. You just have to feel it.
If you do not have the kind of love that you would give up everything to keep, then you do not know what I am talking about. The ‘love’ you claim is but a fraction of the love I feel.
I know the importance of looking out for number one. I know that I need to be independent just as much as I am dependent if not more, but I also know that there can be a balance. It is that balance that is pure bliss; taking care of myself while at the same time cherishing the ones I love.
A friend of mine pointed out to me that there is no ‘I’ in ‘team’…but there is a ‘me.’ =P
So while we strive to take care of ‘us’, we cannot forget to take care of ‘me’.
Tags: relationship, love, companionship, lover
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