So You Wanna Be a Lesbian…
March 29, 2008
I am blown away by the representation of lesbian relationships in film, literature, and society. Often the misrepresentation is perpetuated by the GLBT community much in the same way as ‘nigger’ is in the black community. A common misnomer is that one girl has to be the guy and the other has to be the girl; moreover, one has to be more feminine to further represent their ‘role’ in the relationship. Yet many women are attracted to women because they are a woman (among other things, but certainly not because they are a man) so why would they want to be with a woman that presents herself like a man? The ideas of ‘roles’ is further perpetuated by the labels we apply to these roles: stud/butch/femme.
Because lesbian porn is the most popular aspect that society gets to see of the lesbian community, there is often a huge misconception of how two women share intimacy. It is a little known fact that many more lesbian relationships have less oral than is represented in the porn industry. Not to say it is a majority (I really do not care to gather that data), but it is substantially different.
Because movies and sitcoms run on a time frame/limit, they cannot always too well represent the beginnings of a new relationship. One misses out on the process of even finding out if your interest is interested in you, if they are truly lesbian or just ‘testing the waters’, when their last relationship was, and just who they are as a person. I will say that lesbian relationships are just like any other, but also are a little more difficult because of the way a woman’s mind works. Aside from always questioning and doubting reality, many women like to be ’sure’ of something before going through with it.
Literature is different. Some is very respectful of the time and thought that goes into building a relationship (just as with any relationship) while others just ‘jump into the action’ so to speak and make lesbians look like they are quick to fall in love and move in together (well…that part may be a little true…lol…the jury’s still out…) when it is usually a process.
I fell in love when I was not looking for it or anyone for that matter. She is the most amazing woman I have ever met, and I would do anything for her. I know what people talk about when they talk about being in love and that great feeling all over that no one can accurately explain. I know what passion is and love is because of my baby. She is so sweet, so kind, so gentle, so loving, so caring, so giving, and so amazingly wonderful that I literally thank God for her. We compliment each other so well that it is like we are the missing link in each other’s lives. I have loved many people and loved my exes in my life, but none could compare to this feeling I have when I am with Tiara. That’s the kind of love that they need to write novels and make movies about.
Tiara’s manager told her that we looked odd together because I wore my hats backwards. But simply, I wear hats forward and backwards–whatever feels comfortable at the time. But she was moreso addressing how I am not more feminine (Tiara is admittedly more masculine, but still very much a sexy woman) so as to take on my ‘role’ in our relationship. Yet, I love to be a woman, and do relish an opportunity to dress up and look 100% female, but in my day-to-day ongoings, I like to be comfortable. So I do not wear make-up (really because I do not know how to wear it properly) or skirts and dresses. I wear shorts, pants, and jeans because they are comfortable. But hell, straight women wear shorts, pants, and jeans and go without wearing dresses and skirts too. Why do I have to conform to society’s view of what a lesbian relationship should look like? I fell in love with an amazing women because of who she is on the inside and how she makes me feel on the inside. The packaging should not matter to anyone especially if they are not the ones unwrapping it. 
Tags: lesbian, stud, butch, femme, lesbian relationship
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