Dazed and Confused?
May 11, 2009
I think. A lot. It’s apparent, I think, with the posts sometimes that I post and the ideas that I spout, but I think. A lot.
I don’t like my mind really. I don’t. Simply because I don’t feel normal. That’s right. I don’t feel normal and I don’t like that feeling. I don’t feel normal because I don’t think about normal stuff…I think.
I think about death, I think about old people, and I think about spiritual warfare, but very little about everything else. Sure bills and work, but apart from that, my mind is cluttered.
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Christianity = Suicide?
April 1, 2009
Now before any religious buffoons come and attack me, please read the post. I am a firm believer in God and the Bible; this is just something I was mulling over in the car and as this is my blog, I have the right to say what I please.
I have been through hard times where I thought the only choice I had was to take my life and I tried. I did. I did not succeed, but the peculiar thing about it was the doctors said there were no meds in my system. Despite the completely empty bottle and my very lethargic state, the doctors could not find any trace of the meds in my system. It was from then on that I thought for sure that God wanted better for me. Read more
Black & White
August 30, 2008
When people ask me if I am an optimist or a pessimist, I tell them quite simply that I am a realist. I dream for the best, but know that the worst might occur. I hate sappy romance movies because they never stay true to life, yet secretly I root for the happy ending. I want the fantasy to be a reality.
When I was younger, my mother would become so upset with me because I always had to have things as black and white–no room for gray. She used to tell me that things are not always black and white and that I had to accept that sometimes there is just gray. I never could. I still cannot. I tell people that in order to get gray, you must mix the black and the white. Sure, it applies to colors, but it can apply to life too. People only accept the gray because they do not want to accept the truth. Read more
Tags: optimist, pessimist, realist, gray
Idea Bug
July 13, 2008
I always have ideas on how to make things better in the world, make better websites, and make money online [or off]. It is a trait that most people with ADD/ADHD have to deal with. Generally the ideas are great and could work if I sat down and worked on them long enough, but I just cannot keep my focus. It is not that I am lazy or do not want to do it; it is that once I set out to do it, I get sidetracked with another genius idea or research for another project. I love working on new things, but as I am always finding new things, I am always finding something to distract me. Read more
Why US?
July 2, 2008
The United States is a superpower that runs to the aid of third world countries because that is their role as big brother…no pun intended…really. Trouble is, why aren’t they keeping up with their own household first? We have national debt, homeless VETS, corrupt officials, and troubles in our own homeland that need to be taken care of before we can help someone else. Why not? Why not better our country? Let the other countries better their realms as they please while we do ours as we please. Read more
Tags: United States
Addictive Personality
March 10, 2008
**If you get offended, please re-read this as I am sure you probably have misread me**
You can go to AA, NA, GA, ALANON, and any other support group you can think of whether it be for obesity or a chemical dependancy. Addicted to food? Over-Eaters Anonymous can help! Can’t get the taste of a good brew out of your mouth? Alcoholics Anonymous is a call away! Have an itch to throw your money away at every card table on your way home from work? Get the Gamblers Anonymous team on your side! What if you are addicted to love? Or defeat? Wouldn’t a love addiction lead to a definate defeat? Read more
Tags: Addicted, Anonymous, love
Dear Friend
December 18, 2007
I am an Aquarius (on the cusp of Pisces even). One quality associated with Aquarians is that they are hypersensitive. This is one thing I tell anyone that I am in a relationship with of any kind. I will always take something wrong, I will always be hurt easily, and I will always take things personally. I know this is how and who I am, but I cannot change it. Believe I have tried, but I always fail. I have never had a problem making friends due to my extroverted nature– the fact that I do not embarrass easily also helped. There are some that I have met that I would do anything for. They are simply amazing people. You forget that there is a real capacity for a great world until you meet these special people. They are the ones with the contagious smile, the optimistic personality, and/or the new outlook that you are looking for. They are the ones that get you thinking outside of the box and motivating you to fulfill your goals. I have been blessed to meet many of them. Now, if I ever hurt them– intentional or not– I would be highly upset. I mean, if someone else hurts them, I can hurt that said someone, but what do I do when it is me that hurts them? I could not deal with myself! I do not set out to hurt my dear friends. I would do anything to see them smile. But I know who I am is often misinterpreted. It really is. A lot because of how the world has molded our minds, but a lot because I cannot articulate what I am thinking/wanting/doing very well. Hard as I try, it comes out as either bs, muttled, or so jumbled that one would just have to shake their head rather than try to figure out what I am trying to say.
I have a friend that I have not done well in keeping in touch with. She is one of the most sweetest people you could ever hope to meet with that contagious smile that shows off her pearly whites. She had emailed me a couple of weeks ago and I just got around to my emails yesterday. She had sent me some christmas pictures of her. The first one I opened up had that wonderful smile and it instantly made me smile but at the same time I got this dejected look on my face and became saddened. I miss her very much because she was the one person who respected me as a person and my thoughts. She was the one person who recognized that just because I was young did not mean that my outlook or opinion on life was any less valuable or substantial.
I moved suddenly so as not to be a burden to my friends any longer because it was really eating me up inside. But because I generally have a one-track mind, I am not at all the best person at keeping in touch with people. I do well to email my sister from time to time. :/
I emailed her back and immediately told her how much she meant to me. I didn’t even ‘think’ about it; I just did it. Why not? It’s true. And I began to think about how peoople deal with relationships. How they treat their friends. Do they tell them how valuable they are to them? Do they let them know what they mean to them? It is always said that you should treat each day as your last, right? So you should tell those you love that you love them…
That being said, I would like to challenge anyone to tell their friends how amazing they are. Tell the ones you hold dear that they are loved. And tell them why. It is so easy to call someone amazing, but it’s even more real when you tell them what it is exactly that makes them so special.
Tags: Aquarius, hypersensitive, friends, misinterpreted, special
